You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
