The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize