bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize