my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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