I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
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