My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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