I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Randomize
