You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
