it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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