if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
