3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Randomize
