I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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