So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
