I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
