okay pat passed out under dana's car
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
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