I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
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