Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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