We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
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