If i come over, it means nothing
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
