ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Randomize