So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
