Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
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