Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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