yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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