shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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