Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
sex in a hospital.. check
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
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