Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
