The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
