i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
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