im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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