To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Randomize