My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize