every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Randomize
