I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
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