so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Randomize