I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
