I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
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