Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize