The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Randomize
