"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I enjoy the company of your penis
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
