Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
