when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
