You can't motorboat a personality
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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