Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
