your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
