are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
