i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
