What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
