She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Randomize
