I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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