Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
