i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize