Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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