genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
