You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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