i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
she told me i tasted like america
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
