who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Randomize
