I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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