I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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