The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
