omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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