I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Randomize
