eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
