So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Randomize
